Happy Would-be Mother's Day

Wellp, its almost that part of the year where I go into reflexive reflective mode.

May 19 would be my kid's 9th birthday should he still be around.

Aug 27 would be my other kid's 4th birthday should she still be around.

Their birthdays are exactly one hundred days apart.

What are the odds?

Anyway. I think it's tacky for me to gab about how I am going to quietly celebrate their birthdays and the span between them. I want to keep it private this year (unlike years past), because it feels a bit narcissistic and inauthentic to broadcast to the world how a mother feels. I'm glad I wrote about it then though.

Sure, people will croon, “But you have 3 other kids, you are so blessed and fortunate!”

Okay, compadre. Thanks for invalidating these two people and I who are either dead or broken. Yep, I get I have 3 healthy kids scampering around, but this isn't about them right now. I have other days where I'm 105% dedicated to them. And other days, like these, I think about our ghost family.

I just got off the phone with a prospective therapist, who can help me process all the trauma.

I look at this with a bit of consternation, as though I'm too broken to be fixed. That's a bad attitude.

Ok. It's :50 of the hour. Time to move around.

“Might delete this later.” lol

Another day in, Paradise

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